Living with Difference
ADHD is talked about more than ever these days. Some people find their way to it through a formal diagnosis, others by self-identifying, and many through online quizzes or late-night research. Wherever someone begins that journey, the feelings that come up are often similar—confusion, frustration, and sometimes shame.
As someone who lives with dyslexia myself, I know how unsettling difference can feel. When I notice myself acting “out of sync,” I sometimes wonder if it’s dyslexia showing up again. Like ADHD, dyslexia isn’t all-or-nothing—it’s best understood on a spectrum. And while the challenges are real, difference doesn’t mean deficiency.
The Weight of Shame
One of the hardest parts of living with ADHD is not always the symptoms themselves, but the years of misunderstanding that surround them. Being told you are “lazy,” “messy,” or “too much” can leave deep scars. Over time, this can grow into shame—the painful belief that you are not capable, not intelligent, or not worthy.
Therapy can offer a space to name those experiences. It helps shift the focus from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What has shaped the way I see myself?”
Seeing the Whole Person
ADHD is often framed as a list of problems: distractibility, impulsivity, struggles with time. But it’s equally important to notice the strengths: creativity, curiosity, hyperfocus, and a deep capacity for exploration.
For many people, these traits bring extraordinary skills—whether in art, research, problem-solving, or relationships. Therapy can help weave both the challenges and the gifts into a fuller, more compassionate sense of self.
Strengths in a Different Lens
I once reframed my dyslexia as “another way of seeing.” In the same way, ADHD traits can be understood as unique ways of experiencing the world. Hyperfocus, for example, can lead to bursts of productivity and innovation. Curiosity often drives discovery. Spontaneity can bring fresh energy to relationships and projects.
The challenge—and the opportunity—is to see these qualities not as flaws, but as colours in the larger picture of who you are.
What Science Tells Us
Research shows that ADHD is linked to differences in brain structure, function, and connectivity. These differences affect everyday life in very real ways:
- Motivation and focus: ADHD involves changes in how dopamine works, which makes long-term goals harder to sustain while making immediate rewards especially tempting.
- Hyperfocus: Many with ADHD can lock onto a task for hours, sometimes forgetting everything else.
- Emotional intensity: Strong feelings, irritability, and rejection sensitivity are common. A small comment can feel overwhelming.
- Time and memory: Planning, organisation, and remembering tasks can be difficult. Time may feel overwhelming—or like it’s slipping away.
Support That Helps
There isn’t one single “fix” for ADHD, but a combination of supports can make a big difference:
- Medication can help with focus and working memory.
- Mindfulness, routines, and lifestyle adjustments bring structure.
- Therapy provides a space to reduce shame, build resilience, and integrate ADHD into a more balanced sense of identity.
Together, these approaches can support not just symptom management, but a fuller and kinder relationship with oneself.
A Broader View
Thinkers like Gábor Maté remind us that ADHD is not only neurological but also relational. Early stress and misattunement in childhood can shape how the brain develops, influencing attention and emotional regulation. In other words, ADHD exists at the meeting point of biology and biography—our nervous system and our lived experience.
Closing Thoughts
Living with ADHD can be frustrating and deeply misunderstood. But it also comes with creativity, curiosity, and unique ways of engaging with the world. Therapy is not only about reducing symptoms, but about helping people move past shame and discover the value of their difference.
The real work is integration—holding both the challenges and the gifts—so that ADHD becomes part of a whole, resilient, and meaningful self.